Having my husbands siblings turn their backs on us was one of the most hurtful things. I adored my sister in law. She told me I was like a sister to her. She cried on my shoulder over her parents poor treatment towards her and her husband on several occasions. She told me she always felt her mother treated her differently because she was adopted. It wasn't, it was because she wasn't the "golden chid". My husbands siblings see whats going on, however choose to ignore for several reasons. 1. They simply don't want to deal with it. 2. They are indebted to their parents financially and will be reminded about this if they don't conform. 3. They still rely heavily on their parents for assistance. That assistance will be withdrawn without hesitation if they upset their parents. 4. The eldest sibling is the golden child and a classic Narcissist. He not only displays the same behaviour but fuels it for personal gain. 5. I feel that they are angry with us because our strength, independence and self respect reminds them of their weakness, lack of both self respect and independence. Our actions prick their conscious and remind them that they are gutless cowards who sit back and witness the abuse of others at the hand that feeds them. The fact that they ignore this abuse towards us makes them active participants whether they like it or not. Good luck with that Karma. Im sorry this sounds harsh but I carry so much hurt and anger over this.
I totally understand. This is quite typical when it comes to having a narcissistic parent. I'm so sorry to hear you have lost the relationship with you sis-in-law. I understand how you would be very angry about this. You have made some extremely good points above.