Narcissists create so much turmoil in a family. They are like a tornado. They destroy everything in their path and couldn't care less
about the damage they cause. Everyone is left with trying to pick up
the pieces.
It is very important to have support when going through the process of healing! I had the support of my sister, who do you get support from?
I have my wife who supports me and has experienced first hand the destruction. I also have 3 uncles in their 70's who don't fully understand the insane behaviour but give me support the best they can.
ReplyDeleteMy sister is still stuck in there as a conformer and these days I feel empathy for her rather than anger at what she has said and done to me. It's a viscous cycle that is hard to break.
I was cut off and drifted between being the rebel and the runner.
Your book was awesome to read Tina, many many thanks.
Cheers
Steve
I'm so very glad my book helped you! I am also very happy that you have so much support Steve. If i can be of any assistance, please don't hesitate to contact me. I have a facebook page Narcissistic Parent Answers which may also be of some help. You can message me there or at tinafuller@mac.com
ReplyDeleteI will take up your offer Tina. It's a hard road to deal with and I have some questions about children of narcs taking on some of the traits. Painful thing to admit too
ReplyDeleteI certainly wish I had known about this stuff when I was a teenager and also had a book like yours too read knowing there was a label for this behaviour and I wasn't the crazy one in the whole messed up relationship
Yes, dealing with a narc. on any level can be extremely frustrating. That is why I have become so very passionate about helping others. I wish I had gotten the information too when I was a teenager.... would have saved me years of pain.
ReplyDeleteNot taking on any traits from a narc. parent is almost impossible. We grow up in a certain environment and this can not be avoided, no matter what the situation is. The good news is that we can change, a narc. cannot. It is a matter of realizing them and what I call "catching" yourself either sounding or acting like them. You can change anything that you are aware of and will admit to.
Thanks Tina,
ReplyDeleteThat info is so helpful. Once I had learnt what Narcissism was and could identify this in my mother, I could immediately see some of the traits in myself and got scared I would pass them onto my daughter. But I can see now it was bound to happen when I held her up so high in my mind when I was 1 to 15 years old.
I think I copped a double whammy because in my opinion she also used me as a substitute for emotional needs that my poor father couldn't give her. So throw in emotional incest and it was pretty screwed up at my place. It's just so amazing there is someone out there like yourself who really wants to help people understand and heal from this stuff before it's too late. :)
Some of the stories about her tactics are incredible and I'm sure you could relate fully
Oh I'm sure I could Steve! Narcissists definitely use their children for emotional support, even if they have a supportive spouse. Children are their number 1 suppliers. Many times the narc. will give the child too much information. In other words they tell their children personal things the child shouldn't know.
DeleteYes, I am very passionate about helping others heal.
Si in your opinion do you think I was a victim to emotional incest as well ??? or is all this behaviour intertwined together with a narc???
DeleteNarcs. use their children for many things, and this would certainly apply to them! (Not only narcs. do this.) If your mom treated you like an equal to satisfy all of her emotional support, than my answer to you would be yes. I would think it would apply to telling you extremely personal things about your dad or herself that a child should not be told.
DeleteTina I apologise for writing another post but Ive only just found this page after a psychiatrist recommended your book to me. Most of the information and support groups for victims of Narcissists centre around Narcissistic partners. So finding this blog has been so helpful because as you know the dynamics of a Narcissistic family are complicated and bizarre. I find that I can't talk to others about what I have experienced because its literally unbelievable so support is hard to fine. The psychiatrist I spoke to was great but basically said "forget them and move on". However, I have this insatiable urge to talk about what happened to me. I find Im constantly going over and over events. My husband has been a great support. However, he hates talking about it. Literally hates it. Im guessing it may be because he's lived it once and now has a new life and doesn't want to live it again. Im not sure. Did you feel this way? Do you have any advise that you would give to a spouse of a child with Narcissism?
ReplyDeleteNo need for apologies... this is what I'm here for to help others to heal. :-) You are doing the right thing by talking about it Donna! I think your husband may be tired of talking about it because at some level he may not understand how awful narcissism is. Or, you may be right... he may have had a similar experience and has not dealt with it. In that case, maybe my book would help him as well. My husband was the same at first, until he read my book. It gave him a deeper understanding of what I truly went through. I'm very happy that the psychiatrist referred you to my book, but honestly "forgetting them and moving on" is definitely not the answer. You cannot heal that way. Healing takes time and work, but it can be done. I healed from a high-range narcissistic mother & so can others. :-) If you would be more comfortable, you may email me at tinafuller@mac.com
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